remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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