used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
