Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
