Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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