I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
