We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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