I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
