Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
