I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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