i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
