I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
