dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
