just tell him i said nine months
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
