I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
