We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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