This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
