I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
