the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
