Already got asked if we're dating
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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