oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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