i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
