I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
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I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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