Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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