Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
