I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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