Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
