I just cut my nipple shaving
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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