ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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