You're completely useless in the revolution.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
