Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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