Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize