The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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