Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
