They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
