btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
