Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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