So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
