I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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