When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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