Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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