It's Friday. Sex?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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