a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
