Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
