dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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