i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
