he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
