I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just found a bag of teeth...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
