Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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