I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
