We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
