I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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