AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
