My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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