Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
