you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
