man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
