I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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