I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize