if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My penis needs a shock collar
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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