So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
