WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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