...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
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who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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