did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
