Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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