Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
