Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
