Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
