So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
