idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
