our cab driver is having phone sex.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
