420 ftw
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
