So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
