I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
