Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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